Why Submarines Are Better Than Women

by Mike Hemming

1. A submarine will kill you quickly. A woman takes her time.

2. Submarines like it done at all angles.

3. Submarines can be turned on easily anytime.

4. A submarine doesn’t mind if you smoke, drink, tell dirty jokes or cuss.

5. A submarine does not object to being rigged for dive.

6. Submarines come with manuals.

7. A submarine is built for going down

8. A submarine once down is quite willing to say there as long as you want.

9. Submarines are always in trim.

10. You can dive a submarine any time of the month.

11. Submarines don't whine unless something is really wrong.

12. Submarines don't care how many other subs you have sailed on.

13. Submarines don't come with in-laws.

14. When sailing, you and your submarine arrive at the same time.

15. Submarines don't mind if you look at other submarines or if you buy books and magazines about them.

16. Submarines don’t complain if you sleep somewhere else.

17. Submarines don’t mind if you stop off for a few beers on the way back.

18. It's OK to tie up a submarine

19. You can leave your submarine but it will never leave you.

20. You get paid extra money for riding on a submarine.

21. Submarines don’t mind if you sit up all night eating and talking loud with your friends.

22. Submarines always smell the same all month long.

23. A submarine doesn't get mad if you fart, belch or scratch in public.