Heave Out and Trice Up

by Bob 'Dex' Armstrong

"Reville... Reville... Heave out and trice up... Smoking lamp is lighted in all authorized smoking areas. Rise and shine, morning glories... Up and at' em. Drop your cocks and grab your socks... Move it ladies. Chow is being served... C'mon you ugly bastards, MOVE IT! I'm not issuing personal invitations. Let's hear feet hitting' the deck. Okay darlings, I want to see some activity... Hot coffee... Another day in Arliegh Burke's Canoe Club... C'mon you mattress-back sweethearts... MOVE IT!!"

"Chief, you whack me one more time with that gahdam clipboard, I'm gonna feed it to you."

"Knock off the bullshit and crawl out from under that blanket... NOW sweetie, not next week."

"Chief, did you have a mother, or did you just crawl out from under a rock?"

"Stuke, you can do better than that... Hit the deck... I haven't got all day."

"Don't bother me Chief, I'm in the middle of a dream... Nothin' between me and the cold, cold ground but a skinny blonde."

"You wish... Move it Bucko and let the boys in Ohio take care of your skinny blonde. Isn't she the one with buck teeth and a glass eye?"

"Screw you Chief... You and the horse you rode in on."

"Boy, that's original... Knock off the bullshit and roll your worthless good-for-nothing butt outta the rack."

"I wanna go home... I don't like the navy... No one told me it was full of mean, loudmouth lifers... I wanna go home... My mommy needs me."

"I heard your mommy broke your plate and burned your picture."

"Nice talk Chief."

"Roll out! I'm tired of screwin' with you hard cases... Start seperating yourself from those flash pads... Do it ladies... Everybody outta the pool... Chow time."

"Anyone seen my left boot?"

"Armstrong, when are you going to learn to keep track of your gear?"

"Chief, there's a thief in here... The sonuvabitch stole my left boot... The one with zinc chromate all over it."

"There's a lotta thieves in here... Especially the ones controlling a side locker full of canned peaches."

"Got it wrong Chief... That's a fringe benefit of being in the stores loading party. Deck Force, Chief... Deck Force Cumshaw."

"Bullshit, you one-way bastards... In The Old Navy somebody would have punched your lights out."

"The Old Navy? When was that Chief? Was everyone in it as ugly as you?"

"Just what the Boat Service needs... More smart mouth comedians. Beautuful day topside, girls... Great day for chipping hammers and paint scrapers."

"Chief, when is the relaxing, sit on your ass day scheduled? You know one of those sit in the after battery, drink coffee and bullshit about the good ol' days in The Old Navy... You know, ones like you and the other Chiefs have every day?"

"When you shipover five or six times, horsefly."

"Shipover?... You on dope?"

Mornings alongside... Lovely moments in time... Sweet, gentle, convivial mornings with personalized wake up calls... Where The Navys' finest greeted the blossoming day.


"Yeah Chief?"

"You need to visit the laundry truck...I can smell you from here."

Emily Post never passed a pressure hull.