Old Gringo's Special Blend Coffee

by Bob 'Dex' Armstrong

"Fit for the Forward Engine House"

Collect the following:

- 1 Dog collar from Marine Corps mascot.

- 1 Dr. Scholls 'Odor Eater' from an old Pakistani sandal.

- 1 Welcome mat from Motel 6.

- 1 Half-rotten bota bag goatskin found under bull ring bleachers in Spanish village prior to 1955.

- 1 Of Hillary Clinton's discarded sneakers.

- 3 Sanitized tablets from officers urinal... Stuff once known as 'wardroom candy' found in forward torpedo room head.

- 1 Dead pier rat, any sub base.

- 1 Old Yugoslavian baby diaper.

- 1 Of Olga Korbut's gym shorts.

- Total contents of Honduran spittoon.

- 1 Used Fram oil filter.

- 1 Tablespoon of horse laxative.

- 2 Socks out of COB's laundry bag.

- 1 Dead owl.

- 2 Of Janet Reno's deordorant pads.

- 1/2 Pound dried skunk jerky. -

1 Greyhound bus seat cushion.

- 1Texaco toilet seat hinge.

- 1 Burmese Plumber's Helper.

- 1 Photo of Hyman Rickover.

- 2 Neckties from South American leper colony (Or 2 neckties from Ray Stone's wardrobe works just as well).

- 1 Left hind leg of a moderate size iguana.

- 4 Screws from men's room floor drain in Bells Bar.

Toss in wiped out paint can, boil and strain through surface craft JG's dress canvas hat or barmaid's panty hose and serve in dirty coffee cup. If you get complaints about something missing, reintroduce rat bones. When a Machinist Mate smiles and shouts,

"They don't make donkey doo-doo like this anymore..."

You got it right.

This is 'Old Gringo's Special Blend' (Not sold in stores). He wanted to share this with the lads who never sucked diesel exhaust and slept in their underway boots. He thought twinkle boat coffee might be thinning out a little.